case of the mondays

i wonder how many times that title gets used every monday. well, in any case i sure as hell had a case of the mondays. i woke up this morning and felt sooo angry and irritated. i layed in bed for about 15 minutes contemplating on how i SOOOO wanted to call in sick. but i realized that my brother didnt have work today and that he would be home the whole day until he left for school tonight. so being home alone would be out of the question and kinda not worth it for me to call in sick. in the end, i got up, got ready for work, and dragged my ass to the car so i could go to work. needless to say when i got to work i felt pretty grumpy the whole day. i wasnt much for talking and conversation.

as for why i was soooo miss cranky pants today, god knows. its prolly a mixture of a lot of things right now. some from the chargers...WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING GAME WAS THAT...it was as if they didnt have any heart. and prolly some of my emo-ness is stemming from finding out the details of my cousins passing. soooo violent, so accidental, yet many questions still remain. all i can pray for is that foul play isnt involved because so help me god its over when i go back in april.

it seems like as soon as my life starts to get balanced out and i start to become happy, excited, and relaxed, something always comes around to bring my ass down to earth. but i guess thats life right? and i guess i wouldnt be the person that i am today if i havent experienced the things i have experienced so far. im not saying im the strongest person emotional because believe me im not and i know many people who are much more stronger than i am, but i do believe i can hold my own. only problem is, sometimes i think i bottle it up inside cuz i tend to feel like im surrounded by so many people but i dont have anyone to talk to, ya know waddamean? and when i finally do have someone to talk to i end up not saying much cuz in the end i feel retarded for feeling the way i do. hoooo hummmm. whatcha gonna do right?

and now i should just end right there before i say something stupid. hopefully good things come from this week and this sadness.

peace and love goes out to everyone out there. you all mean the world to me, really, you do