just doing some thinking

couple things on my mind:

DANITY KANE CAME OUT TODAY AND ITS SOLD OUT EVERY-FREAKIN-WHERE. shit those damn stores shoulda ordered more...wtf guys

so i went to work today and i just realized i have 3 weeks of vacation left. then 20 more weeks of school....2 quarters....4 classes...well 3 classes and 1 lab. i dunno if i should just go all out for the next couple weeks or just save all this energy for when i finish or something.

i cant believe i'll be finished soon. but i also keep thinking....geees...what woulda happened if i didnt fuck up and i graduated last year like i was supposed to. would i have quit the theatre like i planned to or stayed there working every saturday night?

i have this overwhelming feeling that when i finish school all eyes are gonna be on me to help with the financial problems of my family in the philippines. like if i dont through some money their way, everyone will be disappointed in me. i feel like im obligated to help them out. i dont want to feel like im obligated. i want to.....well just want to help them out...u know...out of the goodness of my heart...without my mom dropping hints at me to send some money cuz this cousin needs tuition money...this cousin needs school supplies...this cousin needs new uniform clothes. its not like i dont know they need some help...ya know?! i dunno....anyone who knows me best knows that i help out because of the goodness of my heart and not because someone tells me to do so. oh well right.

tomorrow wouldve been my cousin-in-law's birthday...may she rest in peace. what if i go visit her tomorrow and her family's over there...god i hope theres not drama and they ask me all these questions about my kuya and stuff. speaking of which...him and his girlfriend are finding out whether the baby's gonna be a boy or a girl. kinda wierd huh? god i hope all the family dramas smooth out soon cuz im seriously over. i feel really bad for my godson. the kid needs some stability in his life. he's only 7 years old and he's been through sooo much already.

and last but not least....the thought that never leaves me mind...but gets put on the back burner every once in a while...god i think im gonna be alone forever. i know it kinda takes an effort to meet mister right but what happens if ur not even interested in anybody? or worse...what if no one's interested in you? then what? im so used to just being on my own and doin my own thing that i think im not even noticing any guys at all any more...get it? does that even make any sense?

ok thats all...grandma needs to go to bed now...good night